I'm sick again.

aGAIN.

Well, maybe "sick" isn't the best word to use. Remember back in my first year at SDSU when I accidentally took my contacts out of my eyes, but they were kind of dry, so I scratched my retina and Kara had to take me to urgent care where the doctor put stuff in my eyes that numbed them so that I could not move them, then proceeded to put this goop in my eyes and made me close them for four days, during which I laid in bed like a gimp? That *may* have happened again. Last night, after taking out my contacts, I felt a sharp pain in my right eye. Today, I had to leave school early and come home because my eye was just super sore, and I kept getting dizzy. Right now, it looks like a huge red blob, and I'm on 1g of paracetamol, so things aren't too bad right now, but I'm really afraid this might turn into what it did last time, which is easily the most painful thing I have ever experienced. NOT good when you're in a foreign country all alone and have a hard time with the language.

Internet and Life. French style.

For better or for worse, I grew up in the Bay Area, and ever since my parents first bought a computer I have been attached to them. I enjoy reading tech news, following the latest trends in technology, and working to get the best technological deals possible. France makes this impossible. We got internet a few days ago, and I realize most of you reading will just skip over this part, but... our internet SUCKS. I had more freedom with AOL in 1996 than I do with their "broadband." Instead of getting a DSL or Cable modem that we hook up and use to connect, France feels that is not socialistic enough, so everyone has to share their broadband too. You get a box that allows you to connect to a local hotspot, along with everyone else from your neighborhood, and I think France feels that using the internet for anything other than email is wrong, so they've blocked all other protocols other than HTTP. This means I can't download anything, play games, use skype, or use instant messenger clients. Yippee! Also, since you're connected to a hotspot, it disconnects you every... oh, half hour or so, so if I'm in the middle of a conversation with someone and all of the sudden it just stops, I have to go and reload the hotspot webpage and type in our code again. Argh. And no one thinks this is out of the ordinary either. They call it "broadband," but I can't even stream video off of youtube! Do you realize how little bandwidth it takes to stream a video off of youtube? No, you probably don't, and no one is probably still reading this.

So, I will move onto more important things.

France continues to frustrate me. I realize the reasons why I moved here. If you know them, great, if not, it's too long a story to type here, but, so much of me is just ready to call it a day and come home. I am not really enjoying myself here. There are parts of my week that I like, but for the most part I'm not DOING anything here. I thought everything would be better. I'm not trying to whine or complain, it's just that I have a girl I love back home, a career I'd like to continue, and no discernible reason why I really want to stay here. I've seen as much of Europe as I have the budget for, and I might go do a little more travel in January or February, but.. I'm just frustrated by everything. My teaching job is par at best. I get along wonderfully with the teachers who are all SO friendly and nice to me, and the students love me. It's fun being at school, because I'm the cool kid, I'm the one everyone wants to get a hello from, and that's always a great feeling, but inside the classroom it's different. I have spent a lot of time talking to the teachers about the problems I see in class, and they agree with me that they are issues.

I think what frustrates me the most is that about 90% of my students just don't care. They don't have a system of language like we do in the States, where you would take "English 1," which covered a certain set of material that you needed in order to be able to take "English 2." The idea of prerequisites also lends itself to math, where you need to know algebra 1 before you take algebra 2 and trig, but... in France, or at least here, nothing works the way it should. Kids go to class based on their age, so when they're 14, they take the english class with all the 14 year olds, then when they're 15 they move onto the 15 year old class. There is no distinction between the kid who tries really hard and the one who doesn't, and it's impossible to teach a class that is in ANY way stimulating or else I'll lose 90% of the students, and the ones who are really smart and enjoy english don't like to speak up because they're afraid of seeming out of place. Socialism is so prevalent here, and my teachers have echoed this to me, that the school believes it is better to give everyone some education rather than give some people a great education and others none. So whether or not the students try is entirely up to them, and it drives my teachers CRAZY. One of them studied in the States and has been pushing for the school to move to some sort of merit-based system so that students who try harder are more rewarded, and teachers can teach classes that are based on some sort of level of knowledge of the language. I'm not holding my breath though.

I mean, last week I had a kid, 17 years old, 5th year student of English, ask me how to say "I don't know." And... I won't lie, part of me wanted to just smack this kid in the face! He has been taking English for FIVE years, FIVE years sitting in a classroom, and the amount asked of him, expected of him, or forced upon him has been SO little that he needs to ask me how to say THE most basic question that every single student in the world learns the first week in class. Other times, I am working with my students and I have a set of vocabulary written up on the board, or on the handout I give them, and as we're reading the story, I ask "Okay, now did everyone understand that sentence?" I get no answers, just blank stares, so I say it in French, to which they reply, (usually in French), "no, we don't understand what this word means," and I say, "well it's written at the bottom of your sheet, I've GIVEN you the translation, can someone look at the bottom of their page and tell me what it means?" Nothing. They just sit there, like effing logs, and do nothing! They are so used to not having to try at ALL, and not being forced to try, that they don't. They expect so little of themselves and are content with so little that it makes me sad. They know that once they get out of high school, life for each of them will pretty much be the same. I have asked them what they want, all 100 of my students or so, and about 95% have said they want a normal, average life. They want to get married, have a small house and a car, nothing too impressive, "whatever my neighbors have," is an answer I've commonly gotten. I come from a place where the 12 year old Asian kids at my junior high were taking classes at De Anza so they could get ahead, where SMART was respected, and where hard work paid off, and it just... as you can tell, drives me crazy to see only one or two of my classes have students that really try, and really care about doing something in life. The others know that if they make 20k a year, they can live, and that all their medical expenses and every big thing is covered in their taxes already, so all desire to try is just completely removed from them. It really pisses me off.

Other than that, I'm trying to plan my holidays! Rebecca is coming out to visit me for Christmas, and I'm overjoyed. I can't wait! I'd really like to do something around here, but there really is nothing here in the city. I'm not upset about where I've been placed, because I know that I'm here for a reason, and I've had a lot of time to think about life, and think about myself and.. just.. stuff, but I really wish I were in the south of France so I could see France in the glory that many people have talked about. I went up to Brussels last weekend, and that was beautiful, and my friends and I also took a trip to Brugge last month that was beautiful. We got to take a horse and carriage ride, and see a lot of pretty buildings and things that were a thousand years older my country - it was so interesting! I would love to go up further, into the Netherlands, (dude that SO sounds like a zone in WoW doesn't it?) and check out the cities there. I just found out that prostitution is legal in Amsterdam - not that I plan on USING it, just thought I'd point that out for those of you who didn't know that.

I think this is more of an internal struggle for me than I can express here, but I am having a hard time staying here. I don't really enjoy my job, I am not finding Europe as this "centre of culture" that everyone talks about, and I know that it's because of the part of France I am in, and not because the country lacks culture. I am not naive. I found Paris beautiful and lovely, but, since coming here, I just haven't been enjoying myself. I guess the bigger question is "Am I here to enjoy myself?" I thought i was... I thought this was supposed to be a really fun and happy time where I got to do a bunch of stuff, but I never have any money so I never travel, everything is expensive and a lot of people seem to always be... on the downside of life. People, many people, ask me why I came to Calais, that no one likes it here, that I got the worst part of France... it's tough hearing that kind of stuff everyday. So half of me is just telling me to leave, to go home after Christmas and forget the second half of this trip. I would SO much rather be back home, working in the States, starting my career back up, being home with the people I love, being comfortable again. Yet, the other half tells me I have to stick this out. This is not a series of sentences whose aim is to show that obviously I must choose the latter, that, despite all, I must stick this out, because that is the obvious answer. There is no obvious answer to me right now. I will probably stay, if nothing else, out of guilt to everyone who helped me, bought me things, encouraged me, and gave me support during the months leading up to this trip, I can't disappoint them all, you know? I duno, I'll have to wait a bit longer and see where this voyage takes me.

Things are getting better!

I'm sitting on a train right now heading from Calais to Dunkerque to see some friends there, and I have a lot to update about! (And sorry to my English teaching friends for ending a sentence with a preposition.) So, the last few weeks have been pretty interesting for me, and I feel like I am finally starting to get some footing here in France and make sense of all the many differences between our two cultures.

A few days after my last post I went to Lille, the major city here in the northern region of France, for the first meeting comprising all the language assistants in this area, and I came upon some luck, meeting three girls who are teaching in Dunkerque, the closest city to me, and we became friends. It's very interesting how friendships work here, I must say. You can really have NOTHING in common with someone, but because you're both in a foreign county, you're like best pals automatically. Nevertheless, I really like the friends I've met. We went to Belgium two weeks ago, to Brugges, and had a really great time. If you're not familiar yet with my flickr page, you should look at it. Once I get internet at my house I will take some time to upload all the pictures of I have taken so far. The address is www.flickr.com/mrbrianpowell . So, Belgium was great! My feelings toward the entire northern part of France still stands - it seems that no one likes it here, that it's kind of the "armpit of France," that it's definitely a poorer region, and the quality of education is not up to par with the south, and that's something kind of hard to overlook when I'm a teacher. My professor friends have told me that the education system in france works on a system of points. When you start teaching, you have zero points, and you get a certain amount of points each year for teaching in any given area of France. If you teach in the north, especially in a place like Calais, you get one of the largest yearly point totals, and once you save up enough points, you can use those points to transfer somewhere else, (read: the south.) So basically, teachers stay in the north of France only until they have saved up enough points to get somewhere else. This creates a feeling of... people not really calling this place home, on top of all the tourism that comes across on the ferry from England that makes this less of a "Francey" city and more of one that caters to the higher value of the pound.

The lack of internet is really killing me. If you're a technological person, IN ANY WAY, never come here. Ever. Don't move to France. It's not just a place that really has much interest in bits and bytes, there is no silicon valley, there are no major tech companies, there is ONE computer store within a thirty mile radius of me, I think, and the French idea of a good cell phone plan is the ability to talk 200 minutes AND send 15 texts a month for ONLY thirty euros a month! My friends tell me that even when my internet finally DOES get set up, it will take another two to three weeks for them to actually activate it, and none of us, (read: me and the other assistants I talk to) can figure out WHY everything is so slow in france. I mean, my personal feeling is that socialism creates a general laziness in people, where the government will take care of them no matter what, where they feel an obligation from the government to provide "basic" needs for them, ("basic" being determined by a larger amount of things each year...), and where they can't fail out of school because everyone has to be even, where all stores are closed on certain days because there is no capitalistic drive here to become wealthy, just to "make it." It's very hard seeing this and talking to people about it. There is a general like of America here, honestly, but almost all people disagree with our economic system. I don't think there is any autonomy here, if I'm using that word correctly. Everyone is the same. They are all European, they all think like Europeans, and French moreso. They complain about things being bad, but then they don't want to work to make it better. They want to strike, because the government should make things better. Everyone has this chip on their shoulder that everything "should just be fair and equal" between everyone - which is GREAT in theory, but I try to tell people that that is like... an evil though in America, the idea that everyone should be equal, because that's socialism, which is a dirty word. We're NOT equal, some people try hard, some people don't. I agree that people in a country, either by private enterprise or by governmental enterprise, have a responsibility to take care of each other, because you just can't have x% of your population dying on the streets. A healthy society is a happy one, but that doesn't mean I want my tax dollars going to giving EVERYONE a good life regardless of whether they work or not. Sorry - this rant could really go on for about nine pages after ALL the discussions i've had with people, but I'll wrap it up. It's generally difficult to see no drive here, to see stores, literally, closed about 50% of the time - all stores, even supermarkets. Everything is closed here on Sunday, and most of monday. Tuesday is a full work day, as is Thursday. I haven't figured out yet why, but Wednesday is also a half day, and Friday - well that's the day before the weekend, so everything closes early. Saturday is a toss up, some stores will be open, but others are not open because it's a weekend. basically, you do everything on T/TH, or else you're out of luck. I don't like how much everyone complains, but how they still think their balance of capitalism/socialism is better than ours. They all want a better standard of living, but they don't want to work for it. Call that a simple-minded analysis, but it is what it is.

Even if I'm sounding negative, I am enjoying myself here finally. I disagree with people on the general way a society should live and how a government should govern, but that doesn't put me in a bad mood, it's just a difference of opinion, and to be honest, the people here have been so wonderfully warm to me. The one thing that having a lot of time off does it help build community. The lady at the fruit store on my way to school gives me free fruit everyday. I stop there on my way to school and buy an apple each day, and she gives me either a.) an orange, b.) a banana, or c.) a little piece of candy, and she never excepts payment for it. Sometimes when I'm walking by going to "quat B," our city center, (Quatre Boulevards = the 4 largest streets of the city meeting) she will just come out of the store and hand me something and wish me a good day. The guy at the electronics store knows me as "the american boy" and always say bonjour to me when I walk by his store. Sometimes I feel like Belle in the opening scene of Beauty and the Beast where she's walking through town and everyone is saying bonjour, because everyone here is just... friendly. (I need, six eggs! That's too ex-pennn-sive). I think meeting people has really helped a lot too. I haven't been paid yet, I'm hoping that will happen in the next few days since I'm like.. out of money and kind of tired eating straight broccoli over rice and fruit. I even had to buy a belt because my pants loosened - which is totally cool with me, but I could really go for some good fattening food right about now. On a side note, I really miss eating pho, I would almost kill someone for a good bowl of #17 with sriratcha, some fresh basil, bean sprouts, and lime. Oh, and Tea Station, I really miss that too. There is no asian food of any kind here.. I shop in the asian section of the store, which is comprised of about 8 items. They have rice, soy sauce, something like top ramen, and rice noodles. I've had to start eating bread, which.. doesn't really suit my pallet, as I'm more of a rice kind of guy, but I must say, it's pretty darn good bread. And getting a whole huge baguette for like $0.40 is pretty good when you're out of cash.

My dad, (utilizing many people whom I thank,) has found a church here in Calais that I'm going to try and go to next week. Religiously, I've found the north of France a tough place. I have met about 100 people who are athiests, agnostics, or just don't really care either way. I have met no Christians, I have not many other assistants who are Christians, and I stupidly only brought a French bible with me because I though it would force me to practice my French, which... it does, if I read it. I'm usually frenched out by the end of the night though, (not like.. by girls though... in case you implied that). So, the ideas that France (or I guess Europe in general) is just "over" religion, as our youth vernacular would put it, is very true. People here are just.. done with religion. They don't care. There is no "religious right," there is no religious ANYTHING here. I went to a church the first week I got here and it was closed on sunday. I asked someone passing by what was up and they said it was pretty much just a building to look at, something to remember history by since it was one of the few things not destroyed by WWII, but that no one really used it. A church - not being used! Just sitting there... it makes me sad...


I still hate French cheese, and I don't think that's going to change any time soon, but God bless those French wine makers who sell me a GOOD bottle of wine for 2 euros. we're not talking 2 buck chuck either, it's comparable to a $10 bottle in the states. So wine is a common drink for me. It's such fun going shopping here! Just buying things in Europe is cooler for some reason than buying things in the States. I think one thing I have learned here, even in the month and odd week that I have lived here is a greater understanding for people who have come to America from a different country to make a new life for themselves. It's hard. It's hard using a new currency, learning that even if I am smart, I just can't really communicate with people. I can't talk the way I used to, I can't engage people in conversation that is stiumlating. I can't do a lot of the things I have accustomed to. I bascially just have to survive; my sentences consist of really basic things, unless it's a one on one converation over a glass of beer, then maybe I can have something a bit deeper, assuming the person is understanding of my mistakes and patient with my inability to form complex sentences. If I meet someone who speaks English natively, it's an instant blessing, we are automatically friends - strangers brought together by the unknowingness of a new place. I think this place will change me, and I can already see the ways that it will. I feel I should be more patient of differences when I come home, more tolerant with people who can't do something the way I can. People for whom America is NOT home, because I'm so happy when people are understanding of me and my inability to be French, no matter how hard I try.

Sorry for each paragraph being a completely different tangent from the previous, but I'm trying to get this all out before my train stops, which it is coming close to. I can't think of anything that I really need, except to be paid so I can stop asking mom and dad for money and then getting a 1 to 2 exchange rate.. it seems such a waste, and it's a hit against my pride to have to ask for help. I have started to realize that my pride, while an incredibly useful trait when I'm comfortable and know everything about a society, may be quite damaging to uphold when I really do need the help and am all alone in a country. I really wish I could get some Airborne or EmergenC here, since you need a prescription to even get VITAMINS here, and I don't have health insurance for like three or four months. The French administration has proven to be AS difficult as people said it would be, and has not done anything in my favor. If anyone wants to send me anything, I would be more than grateful. Little cards, gifts, a vietnamese guy who can cook for me, a simple box of kraft macaroni and cheese? - anything, even encouraging emails, would be really nice to have here. It's hard checking my email and getting back to people, but rest assured that I am reading everything I get. My address is as follows:

email: lordterrin at gmail dot com

address:
Brian Powell
43 Rue Denis Papin
Calais, 62100
France

I miss my girlfriend very much, but we found a way for her to come visit me in December, so I am looking forward to that more than you can know, and thinking each day that in December, I will finally have someone to experience this country with and find all the beauty in Europe that I have heard about since I was a child. Again, I'll try to upload some photos when I get the chance! I'm just happy that I have finally made some friends that care about me, who are also strangers in a new land, and that I can go over to their houses and watch election coverage for the next 48 hours straight, since I have absolutely no idea what is going on in my country.

Until next time!

Brian

France is not fun

So I don't have internet, yet, so I'm sitting on a street stealing wireless from someone, and I thought I'd write a little bit to the people have been asking for an update of my journey in France. I have moved into a place, I'm KIND OF settled, but things are REALLY hard here. I have no money, and they money I did bring with me I have wasted on the French socialistic system, paying fees for everything I do, and almost everyone I have talked to, no... EVERYONE i have talked to is astonished that I am in Calais, because none of them like it here, and they think it's odd that the French government placed me here. One teacher today told me "well, at least you can have a real challenge, because you've pretty much been placed in worst city in France. It's cold, there's nothing to do here, there are no stores or businesses open on the weekends or past 7.


So, I must say I'm not very happy. I'm trying my best to have a positive outlook - I mean, I always have a positive outlook, but it's hard here. It's very cold and dreary, and definitely not the France I imagined. My teacher was from the south, and the way she explained it, it seemed GREAT, but that is not the France that I had imagined. I really miss a lot of American things, food, culture, the education system. Things are just really hard here. I'll try to write more later.

Paris. France. September 4th.

I BOOKED MY FLIGHT!!!!!!!

I am unbelievably stoked right now.



I'll be flying from San Diego to Denver on August 7th so I can spend a bit of time with the fam before I leave for good, then on September 4th, I'll be flying from Denver to Paris - PARIS! I will be flying into Paris, France. That's in Europe. Like - across an entire ocean. Can you tell I've never been out of the country before? (No, Mexico doesn't count...)

My plans after that are as follows:
I believe I will try to spend September 4th in Paris, taking it in, being a tourist, eating a baguette, i will not, however, go see the eiffel tower. If I can find a cheap hostel to stay in, or if I know anyone there, I will stay for the night, then head up to Lille in the morning, where I will again, take in the city, go see where my school is, hopefully meet up with some other teachers, and try to learn what it means to be Lillois, and why the French think of their northern inhabitants as somewhat... different from the rest of the country. After failing at this for two weeks, and having a lot of fun in the process, I will head down to Bordeaux for the last week of September and stay with Amanda, speak French, drink wine, and talk a lot about what to expect during the next year of my life.

The actual job starts on October 1st, but I'm pretty sure a few days before we have some training or something - I really don't know yet.

According to the email chains that have been going around between all of us teachers, I am like.. one of the only people who has not gotten their contract in the mail yet... so I am waiting patiently for that - which will tell me the school I'm teaching at, give me a contact name, and allow me to try and plan where i will live.

More updates (hopefully!!) soon!

All The Kids In The Room Raise Your Hand!

So! I got an email this morning from Marjorie, our contact for the whole France thing, with the names and email addresses of everyone else going to my "academy", which apparently consists of a huge piece of land wherein I have no idea where I am going. There are about 35 of us, and I've been chatting through gmail with about 12 of them so far; none of them, so far, are actually in Lille like me, so the "academy" is a pretty wide area.

It's really nice to finally be able to talk with other people who have been in the same boat as me for the past several months. A lot of people have gotten their arrêté de nominations already, so they know exactly which part of the academy they'll be in, but a few others have emailed back and told me that they are with me doing the whole "impatiently-waiting" thing. I've been checking the mail every day hoping to get that little packet in the mail that will give me some peace of mind as and allow me to be able to find a place to live.

So - a small update, but a big one!

Seven Months

Well, there hasn't been much to post over the last two months. I got into France, and then I waited, waited and waited some more. Today I got the first piece of news regarding my trip that I had gotten since that initial letter, and it turns out, I have been assigned to a seven-month, secondary school contract, beginning on October 1. There were initially two types of contracts available, seven and ten-month, to primary school, secondary school, and college. I believe the people applying whose French was at a more senior level than mine were awarded the ten month contracts - and truthfully speaking, I do wish I had gotten one, but seven months is still good. I guess I can say with certainty now that I will be gone from about September to May, which is not the September - September I had originally planned, but, at least I'll be back in San Diego in time for the summer beaches :).

In regards to other aspects of my trip, I am still waiting (patiently) for my Arrêté de Nomination, which will provide me the actual school I am teaching in, and allow me to drive up to LA and get my teacher's visa, but that will arrive, hopefully, sometime in July. It's coming down to the point where this is really turning real. I am leaving the country, going where I know not a soul, teaching in a language I do not "know" - not like I know English... It's going to be a lot of fun, I truly hope, but I know that challenges will appear as well, and each day closer this gets the realer it gets too. This is crazy.

Well - Holy Crap. I'm going to France!

What a roller coaster of a year. I'm not huge on blogs, but I figured this was the best way to keep everyone informed of all the details leading up to my trip, and also all the stuff I do and find while I'm there. I'm so excited, scared, and just... joyful at the same time! Here is a list of what the next few months hold for me, and some details about the program.


I'll be making a healthy sum, (no), of 745€ per month. So after paying rent and stuff, I'll have enough to basically buy bread every four days. Fun! At least I'll be able to go to place like this for free:

During the month of July, I'll receive my contract (arrêté) with the school in Lille, which will give me specifics on where I'm actually going to be teaching. Once that happens, I'll need to contact the French consulate in the US to get my visa. The cool thing is is that I get to apply for a teacher's visa, not a student one like most people my age going to France. I'm trying to find exactly what the difference is between the two is - but for now I know that I don't have to pay for a teacher's visa, I can stay longer in France before I have to come home, I can WORK, which you can't do with just a student or long-term stay visa, and d.) I can tell people I have a teacher's visa, which they will think is cool. For most of August, I'll need to be looking for a place to live - the French government doesn't help out at all with finding a place or providing you with any living arrangements, which... imho, is pretty cool actually. It means I'll be going over there and being completely on my own, and have to like... move in with French people. I am so intimidated, but, I duno... dgf right?

So, I've been spending the last 24 hours just... thinking about this entire thing. I still am just telling myself every hour or so "whoa, I'm going to France." And it finally hit me tonight as I was reading through the wikitravel page on Lille how amazing this entire trip is going to be. It just has modes of transportation, places to eat, things to see, http://wikitravel.org/en/Lille, it has places where u can get cheap beer and food... 800€ a month isn't sounding AS bad anymore. Just, just listen to this:

Le Flams (8 rue du Pas, near "La Grand PLace"). From 11.90€ for the "all you can eat" flammekueche menu (Alsacian speciality. Crème fraîche, onions, and bacon on a thin crust of dough)

I'll be honest - I have no idea what Alsacian food is, what fraîche is, but I like onions, and bacon, and thin crusts of dough. I just... I cannot wait to go. Paris is an hour away on the speed train, LONDON - LONDON is an hour away on the speed train. Bejing cannot be more than two and a half hours away by the speed train.* So, there you have it. I'll be leaving toward the end of August, and updating my progress here as things happen.

Yay!






Useless French Vocab Word of the Post:
la fenêtre - window


*wait - there's a speedtrain between Lille and Bej.... oh wait - I see what he did there.